The Art of Nurture

“The difference between comfort and nurture is this: if you have a plant that is sick because you keep it in a dark closet, and you say soothing words to it, that is comfort. If you take the plant out of the closet and put it in the sun, give it something to drink, and then talk to it, that is nurture.” ~”Women Who Run With the Wolves”

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It’s usually more comfortable to avoid our challenges and pretend that everything is fine and fantasize about what we wish to see rather than acknowledge difficulty and our own role in allowing and enabling struggles in our lives.

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Brene Brown has done countless research that shows that “we cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions”. There is so much rhetoric these days about thinking positive, and of course there is a time and a place for that. AND, be honest with yourself: are you thinking positive to avoid looking at the reality you find yourself in and your role in creating that reality?

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To start to nurture rather than comfort yourself, take accountability for the people you surround yourself with and the stimuli you listen to and look at. Accept responsibility for what you put into your body and the ways you physically expend your energy each day. When you come face-to-face with a difficult situation, be willing to look at it CURIOUSLY so you can familiarize yourself with it and come up with solutions as opposed to trying to wish or bypass it away.

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We came into this human form and will all experience anger, sadness, fear, doubt, and things we typically would prefer not to. When we can feel those emotions and give them breath and an honest look, they can transform into forgiveness and compassion. If they pop up and we pretend they’re not there and imagine a fake happiness instead, a seed of inauthenticity is planted and we stop trusting what we feel.

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All this talk comes with the caveat that I also don’t think we should just stew in negativity or that we shouldn’t look for silver lining. I’m an optimist by nature and love love beauty, nature, joy, the resilience of the human spirit, etc. AND I think it’s critically important not to bypass difficulty but face it with courage and the recognition that truth allows a long-lasting shift towards more love.

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Nurture yourself and honor your shadow so you can take impactful actions towards love rather than hiding away in a beautiful but unhelpful fantasy.