Lessons in Light

Over the last few years I’ve found myself increasingly fascinated by the impact our outer worlds have on our inner worlds and vice versa. Unsurprisingly, philosophers and wise sages have been teaching about this principle for millenia. Ayurveda in particular discusses the power that seasons and weather have to impact us on every level; after all, we are nature expressed. Collectively we understand the impact of longer nights and colder days so intuitively that it’s portrayed in memes about still sadly sending work emails as the sun is setting, wanting to hibernate all winter long, and the desire to skip the holiday party and instead watch reruns of The Office having Christmas parties. 

Ayurveda’s advice on how to break out of lethargy and stay inspired (albeit in a more restful way) is to bring in the opposite energy of what’s going on outside. This doesn’t mean we should stop listening to our body’s signals and not allow ourselves to rest or be cozy–we are not supposed to run at full force alllll the time and winter is a beautiful time to tap inward! Rather, it’s an opportunity to cultivate a connection to one’s inner light and inner warmth.

As I reflect back on the last several years of my life, I see that life handed me an in depth training in the curriculum of inner light. To be able to fully appreciate the beauty of light, one must experience the dark. The candle isn’t so desirable at noon on a summer day, but during a long winter’s night, the candle is a necessity. We’ve all experienced darkness in the form of challenges and failures, and some darknesses come with the greater weights of repression, suppression, and trauma. Each of us has encountered variations of it, and I just happen to have gone through some of my more recent ones with a toolbox of yogic and meditative techniques.

I’ve been quiet online for the past couple of years, in part because the world felt noisy and heavy and overwhelming, but also because I was navigating darkness in the form of vulnerable health challenges that I didn’t feel ready to share. In March of 2021, I got a staph infection that grew to a mass about the size of an apple that very nearly killed me. The amount of time it took for it to go from a little sensitive to the most horrible pain I’ve ever felt happened extremely quickly, and the only idea I have for how I got it was from going into some hot springs and possibly scratching my upper, inner leg on something.

Without going into too much of the nitty gritty, I was sent to the E.R. and then launched into the medical system when it didn’t heal, bouncing around between different health care providers, going on antibiotics for four months, having a surgery in July of 2021, still not healing, and then having a major surgery in February of this year. I know many of you have experienced chronic illness or pain, and the amount of mental energy it takes to show up for life in any capacity is utterly exhausting. It comes with brain fog, fatigue, and turbulent emotions, not to mention the financial burden that comes from missed work and so many hospital bills.

I am extremely fortunate to have had a loving and compassionate partner through the entire healing journey, as well as close friends and family who helped emotionally support me. And I had the gift of the beautiful yogic techniques I’ve been learning for about a decade to help me tap into and build light from within so that I didn’t fall into the darkness of despair.

On my first trip to India, I had a Vedic astrology reading with the incredible Anand Mehrota, and he encouraged me to start chanting Gayatri Mantra. This mantra was first written down about 3,000 years ago, but it is believed to have been chanted by yogic practitioners for millenia prior to that. It is said that chanting this mantra helps to bring success, happiness, and a stable mind, and is sung in appreciation to light and to the sun. My favorite translation of this mantra is: “I meditate on the one light, the one energy, that pervades all of creation.”

I’ve chanted Gayatri Mantra at various stages of my yogic journey, but a few months before I developed the infection, I had started a daily sadhana of chanting Gayatri Mantra 108 times each day. When I was in intense pain and didn’t know what was wrong yet, Dante marveled at the way I would turn calm and peaceful through chanting. I continued the daily sadhana for a little over a year, and I was amazed at how sitting down to chant would guide me into a space of presence, joy, and light. I noticed the shift between how I’d feel sitting down before practicing and after, and the effects blew my mind. I’d often sit down to practice with some sort of anxiety or fogginess, and after the practice I would open my eyes and feel like I’d entered a new world. I’d feel more optimistic and clear, and have a sense that things were going to work out. I would look forward to my practice everyday, and the reprieve I would feel from the exhaustion of pain.

There were many things that influenced my ultimate healing, including western medicine and the support of loved ones, but Gayatri Mantra felt like a beautiful gift from the yogic tradition to help me through the process of not knowing and feeling stuck on the healing path. I strongly believe that if I hadn’t had connection to this mantra, as well as other yogic practices that develop inner warmth and light, I would have sunk. 

There are so many incredible techniques that can benefit us during this dark and cold time of year, and the Winter Solstice has long been considered a potent time for connecting inwardly by many traditions. This is a time to build your inner light, to feel your connection to nature and your Self, and to recognize that you are a part of nature. Nature asks us to be more introspective during this time of year, and meditative techniques are a powerful way to do so.

I’ve been feeling called to share some practices for the Winter Solstice, and I’ve decided to host a practice on Zoom. This will be a more meditative experience where we will do breath techniques to build inner light, chant, and connect to our subtlety through stillness. I would be honored to have you join me virtually! If you feel called, bring a candle and journal to your practice space, and we’ll honor moving into the longest night of the year. The class will be Tuesday, December 20th, from 5:15-6pm (ish) Mountain Time. I know this time of year can be challenging, so this will be a donation-based practice. Donate what feels right to you to @yogasteph on Venmo. I want this practice to be the day before the Solstice so that you can go in even deeper on your own with what we learn on the Solstice itself.

Life is wild and beautiful and I am deeply grateful to be here. Thanks for sharing space and listening with an open heart!

Zoom Meeting ID: 879 880 7703

Password: light